Eggsy 'bleeping' Unwin, where to begin?
by i.ate.the.last.cookie
Summary: I had life perfectly planned out, I would finish I high school with good grades, get a job, and then blissfully fade into obscurity. Then Eggsy 'bleeping' Unwin had to come and ruin everything. *Rating may change as the story continues... maybe... Idk, we'll see.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingsman and all that, that entails, if you don't believe me you're a moron.**

There's life, and then there's _life._ That is quite the difference if you get my gist. No? Well then have you ever watched a movie? Do you see how despite everything that happens, world ending, apocalypse, he cheated on her, the dog died, etc. despite all that there is _always_ a happy ending, even if it may not be the one you first expected? Then you take _life,_ real _life_ and that is totally different? Sure, maybe you went to nationals your senior year of high school and won the gold prize, or maybe you were lucky enough to get the girl, or maybe you did save the world by diverting a terrible doomsday plot by blowing up people's heads and stabbing the psycho millionaire who was trying to 'cleanse' the world with the foot of his… girlfriend? Maid? Valet? Partner in crime? Who knows, but that isn't the point I'm trying to make here. The point is that real life doesn't involve doomsday plots, an epic romance, enough drama to drown in, and a sassy sidekick. There isn't one transcendental true love of the kind that people tell stories about, you're never going to be important enough to make the news, other than your birth and obituary on the local paper, and who even reads those anymore? That's just how it is for us everyday people, we may be the center of our own world, but to most we are no one, and we never existed in the first place.

When I was younger it bothered me but as I grew older it grew into a… comfort I suppose? While my peers were starting to fret about making their own mark on the world and how they wanted to give their lives purpose, I had found a purpose in not having one. There's a relief to be found in knowing that no matter _what_ you do it's insignificant because it's all been done before. There's no plot bunny that's not been found, trapped, skinned, then roasted over a fire. No new dynamic twists that haven't been used, but still somehow hold a certain charm because they always seem to catch one by surprise. I could go on for days about the comfort of being inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but I think no matter what I say no one would understand. No one ever did understand when I tried to explain, and I'm still not sure whether or not that is due to me being bad at talking or just bad at people… probably people.

No one ever did understand, _especially him_. Oh? I forgot to mention possibly the biggest nuisance alive and just an all around _pain in my ass?!_... ahem…I mean… I forgot to mention Gary "Eggsy" Unwin? What kind of a nickname is Eggsy anyways? He sounds like he has a fetish for eggs… Anyways getting off track. Where to even begin with that little shit… I suppose the beginning would make sense.

I met Eggsy right out of school. Well nearly, it was a little after the time he had quit the marines and I had finally found a job working as a bartender/ waitress at The Black Prince. It was a bit seedy, and I was prone to getting groped by the regular assholes that drank there, but my boss Tom was a rather decent guy considering the riff raff he kept company with. And while I could have gotten a more well paying job that looked better on my resume, this one suited just fine for my plan of just fading into obscurity… well, plan is a strong definition for what I had, we all fade into obscurity at some point, so the point of making a plan to do just that seemed sort of counter intuitive. Despite the fact that I was sure I had found what I wanted to do with my life, which was nothing considering I didn't want to really _do_ anything, I found myself by that time having doubts. I was in my prime, I had gotten outstanding grades during my schooling and most certainly could have gone on to further my education. And even if I hadn't done that I _could_ have gotten a better job… it was aggravating. I was a rather unmotivated person and I had gone most of my life without having doubts and to have them hit me now, when I just settled into what I hoped would be daily routine for that next however many years, it was beyond frustrating.

I became frazzled, irritable, and just generally having a bad attitude at work. Tom thankfully didn't take any sort of offense and just said that if I needed to take a couple days off, he'd find someone to fill in for me. But I said I was fine, so he shrugged and shit went on as usual. I was just sort of waiting for it to blow over y'know? I was hoping that if I just continued on all the newfound fears that I had unearthed would just go away and I could get on with determinedly having no life. But it never did blow over. Because around the time I was going through all this uncertainty, when I had been so certain, for so _long_ , Eggsy fucking Unwin just had to come into my life and fuck it up even more…

 **A/N: So… thoughts? Should I continue? Not continue? What do you think? I have a vague idea of how this story is going to turn out but I haven't really worked out the kinks yet. Forewarning if you do want to see more, the updates will be** _ **extremely**_ **sporadic. The only reason I really started this was because there aren't really enough good Kingsman fics out there (that I know of) and pretty much the whole fandom is dominated by Harry/Eggsy fic's. Which is okay, but not really my cup of tea. I quite enjoy original character stories. Also I didn't add the character's name in because I couldn't find a good place to put it, and I didn't want this to be just a 'hi I'm so and so and this is my story' fic. So her name is Jasmine, but she prefers James. If you have any questions please ask them! :p**

 _Next chapter maybe…_ my temper had been on a hairpin trigger for so long that while normally I had been able to ignore all the degrading comments and slaps on the ass during work, today the old man asking "how much for a night?" With a lecherous grin on his face and a hand on my ass pushed me over the edge…


End file.
